Physical scars are easily noted. People can touch those bruises, see whether those scars are fresh or healed from a time long ago. Emotional scars are invisible to the naked eye. People can’t see if those scars are fresh, in the process of healing, or from the far past. The time, effort, energy, love, hate, fights, memories, and inner turmoil can’t be touched. We try to help our friends in their hour of need by saying encouraging phrases like: “time heals all wounds” – “just be thankful for the time you had together” – “you have to move on with your life” – “you need to forget that loser and find someone who deserves you.” Despite all of those phrases being true, we sometimes forget that instantaneous healing doesn’t happen. The pain of their loss won’t heal overnight. Sometimes we are guilty of thinking a certain amount of time should be enough to heal his/her pain. Unfortunately recovering from love and lost doesn’t come with a time table.
Lady of Pure Filth: maybe you are an old woman but in this modern age people have Snapchat, Tinder, Grinder, etc. It is easy to get over someone by getting underneath someone new. *rolls eyes* Instant gratification – yep it goes beyond buying things.
A true connection can’t be forgotten by dating or hooking up with someone new. Yes, it is a temporary band-aid. Yes it will provide a fleeting moment of joy. However, when all is said and done – it won’t take away from the pain you feel. In fact I am willing to bet any amount of money you probably will feel worse. Look, I understand – we as a society live for the happily ever after. We want the lie so many people portray on social media. We want relationships without stress, work, pain, and life altering moments. Darling, I hate to tell you but life doesn’t always fit inside a neat box. It is messy, cold, ruthless, and dirty. Sometimes we have to crawl on our hands and knees through the mud longer than we desire in order to get back to good.
In our world of instant gratification, we forget that real relationships are built with time, energy, love, disagreements and learning about the other. People come into our lives for a lifetime & others come into our world for only a moment. We forget that grieving our emotional scars is perfectly normal. Allowing ourselves time to feel the pain of our lost without a rush to return to our “normal state of being” is essential to our healing.
What does feeling our pain/grief involve? Moments of tears, moments of acknowledging your crazy, moments where you are super petty and wish the same amount of pain you are feeling on that person, moments of anger, moments of feeling like you got it together only to break down at something simple, & so many other things in between. All of those moments eventually help you to come back together stronger than before – if you don’t let the process kill you. And trust me, there are times when giving up will seem easier than fighting. Trust that fighting yields a better reward.
What else is involved in the process? Acknowledge YOU are NOT alone. Lord knows there are moments where you feel like you are struggling by yourself. If you are like this writer, leaning on friends is hard because you don’t want to seem like a burden. You don’t wanna bore them with the hurt you are feeling. You don’t want them to get tired of you talking about the same issues. Those who love you will stand by you no matter how many times you cry about the jerk who hurt you. Those who are apart of your tribe probably have been down that road a time or two. Those who love you will support you but also keep it real. They will slowly encourage you to do the things that make you happy & won’t let you give up on seeing the bright light of a new day. We are all human – flawed, broken, fallible, make impulsive choices, fall in love with the wrong person, hurt, feel pain, and sometimes need encouragement to make it through the day.
Yes time does heal all wounds. And eventually you can look back on the memories that were made and honestly smile. Yes, sometimes your mind will wonder: How is he/she doing? Do they miss me? Do I ever cross their mind? And then you will simply shake your head, accept you will never know the answer to those questions, and continue on with your life. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge the victories along the way. Be brave enough to put your happiness above someone else. Remain true to yourself. Love yourself. You will move on and brighter days will happen – keep swimming!