“When someone show you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou
One of the downfalls of working on the road is that you miss events & time with friends/family at home. Today was one of those days. There is an event back home that I try to attend every year & this year due to scheduling and trying to avoid potential drama I skipped it. My inner being is thanking me right now because there probably would have been drama. Then I find out that a certain person unfriended me today. Yes, I am actually surprised. I hadn’t communicated with this individual for a few weeks as promised. I have done my best to not be “very tempting.” *Sidenote: He told me that I was very tempting but I don’t see myself as a sexual temptress. I am just me: awkward, cute, smart, and at times clumsy. I don’t see myself as person who makes a person aroused just by being near them.* Anyway, I haven’t said one ill thing about this person & I would never because that isn’t my character. And the odds of seeing me in his feed would be slim due to the amount of people they are friends with.
So, the big question remains, why do I care? I shouldn’t actually. I stopped following him in my feed weeks ago. I have tried to not be actively concerned with what is going on in his world. Maybe I didn’t think the situation was bad enough to remove me as a friend. Maybe I wasn’t looking with my eyes completely open. Maybe I pissed him off in some way, shape, form or fashion just by being myself. *Sidenote: I do notice when people fall off a certain social media page because usually the people on there mean something of great value to me.*
Here is the kick to my cunt: Sometimes I don’t make an effort to resolve issues in a calm, collected manner so we can wrap things up nice and neat in order to prevent any further damage from occurring. Sometimes I am ignorant, petty, and down right mean when things go awry especially if I feel slighted. However, I made an honest effort to be an adult & resolve this issue as amicably as possible. No matter what the end result would have been at least we would have discussed it. We would have had some type of resolution that was agreed upon. The person who should have been the adultier adult left me to make some of the hard choices. “Maybe’s” are not an answer, neither are “hopefully we can be friends”, “perhaps we shouldn’t communicate as much”, or other choice phrases then giving me the cold shoulder when I attempt to actually be friendly. Mental note to self: don’t be nice to be people, don’t act like an adult, be an asshole/bitch. Nice gets you nowhere. Yes, I am kidding. Sorta.
Perhaps this is where I am naive. You don’t do a person you say you care about in this manner. Maybe I am an old fashioned type of girl but you don’t share a bed with someone, you don’t communicate with a person almost daily, you don’t kiss their lips, & you don’t allow a submissive to open up parts of themselves to you as the Dominant if you know you aren’t going to be able to pick up the pieces if something disastrous were to occur. Yes I understand this situation was a freaking train derailment for multiple people. Yes I understand this affected more than just me & you. But if you believe ignoring part of the issue (mainly me) is the answer to this entire situation you are either more naive than me, a coward, &/or you never really cared.
Would I love answers to the deepest questions burning in my mind? Sure I would. I would love to know the why’s but that is not a possibility. Shit flapping in the wind isn’t my style. I don’t like unresolved issues. I don’t like knowing that if I ever see this person the tension may be so thick you could cut it with a knife. Wrap up these issues and place a bow on the box. Be an adult & honestly look me in the eye. Tell me your thoughts, be kind but firm. This doesn’t mean I will be void of emotion nor does it mean I will be satisfied with every thing you have to say but I can respect that.
In my opinion, I deserved to be treated better than how this whole situation went down but that is neither here nor there. I can’t change the events of the past. No matter how hard I would like to, I can’t control another person’s behavior. I can’t read another person’s mind. All I can do is control me & continue like I have been which is moving in a positive direction that best serves me.