“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” – William Shakespeare
We are all guilty of it. Doesn’t matter how you identify: Master, Dominant, Top, Daddy, Switch, bottom, submissive, slave, &/or babygirl: we all have a preconceived notions of what our relationship will be like with our chosen partners. We have a list expectations and ideas. We envision what our everyday life with this person will be like. Sadly, we also become frustrated and disappointed because what we envision doesn’t match up with reality. We fail to account for jobs, kids, responsibilities, vanilla life, families, friends, managing our own expectations, etc.
I am not a Stepford submissive/slave. I don’t fit the traditional role of what some expect. I am outspoken at times, sarcastic, witty, playful, fail to understand the meaning of stoic, and won’t let anyone speak to me anyway you feel (yes, I am a submissive/slave, but if YOU don’t own me – then you don’t have the right to me). This is a part of my personality. However, I am also compassionate, service-oriented (not always in the traditional sense), crave rules and structure, desire to make my Master proud of me regardless of what I am doing, and possess a loyalty that is something fierce.
However, please don’t smolder out my flame; learn to tame it. Understand how to play with it, control it, wield it to your command. Stimulate my mind. Shed off my armor of protection off and stand me naked/vulnerable in front of you before I realize what happened. I will be shaky. I will resist the flow because I have trust issues. I will fight till you have figuratively and literally pinned me down breathless and begging for you to consume me. I don’t do these things because I want to be a bratty girl. Oh, no – sadly I do it to see are you strong enough to handle the flame within. Can you guide me and lead me to be the best version of myself for you and me? I don’t want to to rule to land. I hate making decisions. I just want someone who can shut off the noise in my head and just allow me to be.
So what the heck do I want? A man who is stronger than me emotionally, mentally and physically. Be a good leader. Be someone who isn’t afraid to teach me because I don’t know it all. I expect to be cared for, respected, loved, and valued as your most treasured possession. As a slave/submissive could my expectations be too high? Some Big letters aren’t looking for a life partner/slave to love, dominate, provide service, and cherish in all ways. Some desire a person to control, a person to serve, and don’t care if you care for them or not. Your function isn’t to be seen as a person. You are there to simply serve a purpose. And some people submissive/slaves don’t want to be cherished or loved. They want to be seen as objects to serve without fail no matter how degrading or humiliating the task.
As our parents taught us early – life isn’t always fair. Sometimes we don’t get what we want, but sometimes we end up with what we need. Does that mean having expectations and desires are a bad thing? Does that mean we get so wrapped up in our expectations we fail to see the possibilities before us simply because it isn’t wrapped up in the package we expected?
My reality has always differed slightly from my expectations. Eventually because of that my expectations changed, grew, or expanded. Initially, I never wanted to be with a sadistic person. I didn’t want to be with a person who wanted to put rules on my behavior. However, I met a person who saw the masochist in me before I did. He saw the girl who needed rules and guidance. And he was one of the best people for my growth within & outside of the lifestyle. I learned how to grow beyond the boundaries I thought possible. This person wasn’t close to some of the things I wanted but in the end he surpassed my expectations & needs. He taught me so many things about myself including the fact that I was truly a stunning, slave woman.
Right now. I am at that crossroads again. I have met a man who doesn’t fit into the expectations I have, yet he intrigues me. We don’t see eye to eye on a few things, but let’s talk about how he fits the box. He actually guides, teaches, and leads – calmly & sometimes without you being aware he is doing it. He communicates – there are no hidden messages, he wants to know your truth and he also respects you enough to give you truth in return. He believes in transparency even to the point where I am uncomfortable (I never thought I would say there was such a thing as too much transparency but there might be). He is sadistic, Dominant, intelligent, and understands what it means to stimulate the mind.
However, reading his profile online actually left me speechless (not in the good way). When he emailed me, I told him I was pretty sure I am not the kind of woman he was searching for. And somehow we kept emailing, which lead to texting, which lead to phone calls & then lead to us meeting each other. He has captured my attention but he is not in the box I envisioned. He makes me want to drop my armor, but naked and vulnerable would mean falling down the rabbit hole. It would mean following the path and fear of the unknown is always something scary to this girl. What does my loyalty mean to this person? What are the risk and benefits to my psyche? Am I scared because what he wants doesn’t fit into the expectation box I envisioned – hell yes!! The point of no return – once you start a journey you can never go back. Falling into the deep end of the pool. Learning perhaps I can swim better than imagined. I can be something I don’t see in myself. Will it change who I am? Essentially, no I will be the same woman I am today. Will I have to face my truth? Yes, I will. Perhaps we stop ourselves from truly being free by placing so many limits on ourselves. Perhaps we stop ourselves from truly being happy because of the expectations we place on ourselves and others.