Can you date a person who views you as sub-human, as an animal, as nothing more than a piece of furniture in the home?
Honest, open question posed to me this week. The immediate answer is no, I can’t be with a person who would view me as less than. I can’t be with a person who would like to truly enslave me like this was the 1700’s or 1800’s. Yes, I identify as a submissive/slave however that doesn’t mean I want to be degraded, humiliated, and not valued for the well- round person that I am.
In November this guy,online, sent me a message. I read the message and immediately reviewed his profile. I rolled my eyes & sent him back a message stating: “So, I am black and pretty sure I am not the type of slave you are looking for. Good luck in your search.” He responded back and amazing a conversation sparked. The next thing I know we are on the phone for almost 5 hours talking about all sorts of different things – past relationships, sports, activities, jobs, etc. He seemed amazing but as I always remember – when you are first meeting someone, you are not meeting the authentic person – you are meeting his or her representative.
The conversation shifts and he tells me about his views on women, minorities, male submissives, female Dominants and how he wishes you could still buy a slave from the auction block. My mind is completely blown away (not in the good way). How could a man who is funny, somewhat smart, we share common interest, and enjoys family be a racist interested in me. He wanted me to become his ni**er. Owned, cherished property as I was told. In return, I would give up my right to make decisions entirely. I would be told what to eat, what to drink, I would be given a list of chores everyday, I would be there to sexually gratify him. My needs, desires, and wants would no longer matter because my pleasure would come from serving him. Obviously, we stopped talking after a while because we hold two different world views. I hold the exact views of him on all fronts and my friends are a reflection of that.
However, we have started talking again and I don’t even know how this happened. He would like for me to spend a few days at his home just to see if I would enjoy serving him and pleasing him. He wants me to change my mindset and see his way as correct. I would like to change his mindset and make him see how wrong he is in his thinking. As I was also told this week – neither one of you will be successful in this because you can’t change a person’s value system. You can try to live cohesively but with two extremely different value systems, the odds of this happening is slim to none.
Can I see myself happy being called a ni**er, being seen as a “three holed, talking monkey” there only for sexual gratification, cleaning, & cooking. An item viewed as having no rights. An item viewed as being non-human. An item whose purpose is not to think, but to act however my Master wants me to even if it means letting a dog fuck you. The answer in my head is a firm fuck no. I want to be appreciated for my loyalty, devotion, accomplishments, beauty, grace, and ability to represent my Master in the best of lights. I want to be respected, appreciated, loved, cherished, and seen for the woman I am, not the color of my skin though I do have some almost chocolate skin (don’t hate)! I should tell this person to go fuck themselves and yet I can’t find the strength to say the words.
So, why do I continue to have contact with this person at times or even considering spending a few days with him. I suck at saying no. Let me clarify that – I am not afraid of saying no. I am afraid of the person’s reaction to my standing up for yourself for many reasons that go back to my childhood. A person yelling at me causes me to freeze up for a moment especially a man. Especially if I don’t know your temperament. If I want to break up with you, I do the most annoying shit possible to make you want to leave me. I will push buttons and everything else until you leave me. Cowardly, yes but that is just me. So, what am I going to do in terms of all of this? I have no fucking idea. I can’t avoid this situation forever. I am going to have to make decisions & not be afraid of what could happen. Maybe ghosting in this situation wouldn’t be such a bad thing.