Years ago I came to the conclusion that my relationships would probably be a little more difficult than the average due to some of the traits I desired in a potential mate. I knew this road wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that I was going to have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find my dominant, sadistic, yet loving prince. However, after years of ups, downs, and all the way round shitty people I have come to the conclusion maybe I am better off with dates with friends and my multitude of various toys.
Yesterday was a day to definitely get caught up in your feelings. Did anything traumatic or over the top dramatic happen. Nah. However, between getting to know a new person, being in a room with a former play partner, and being in the room with a guy I dated for a short while – it was like the ghost of relationships decided to come out and absolutely beat my ass like I owed it money. I still feel like I need a ice pack for my face.
Anyway, let me start this writing off with the following: This is going to be a semi quick list of things I absolutely can’t stand in terms of a person wanting to be with ME or behaviors I can’t stand once we have parted ways.
(1) I am not a freaking fetish. Want to get my panties to dry up quicker than the Sahara desert. Please say the following phrases to me: “I have never slept with a black girl before.” “I have never been with a chubby/fat girl before.” “I want you but my family wouldn’t be cool if I was in a relationship with you.” – These are just a few of the phrases but they all usually center around the fact that you see me as a sexual object of desire not based on anything other than my size or skin color. And if you like me, but want to choose your family over me – that’s fine, however please don’t continue to try to push for a sexual relationship with me. I refuse to be a secret for anyone. I loved someone very much & at the end of the day I realized he would never pick me because my color would have been an issue with his family. That is a horrible thing to come to understand – so don’t be that person. If you want me, want me because I make you laugh, you think I am smart, I take your breath away, you love me being right next to you, etc. Not because I check off some boxes on your sexual fantasies list.
(2) I know we are an open community in terms of relationships where secondary and tertiary relationships exist however please stop coming to me with that being your best offer. Let’s put this on the table – I have been second more times than I would like to acknowledge. Do I doubt some of these guys love me – of course not. However, that shit gets old quick. Why in the world do you think I don’t deserve a person who wants to put me first? I want a person who is excited to be with me. I want to touch the soul of another. Of course I desire to stir your sexual nature, but I also desire simple things like going to a movie together, grocery shopping while making jokes, playing card games, watching movies, going on bike rides, & so much more. I want a person to be my biggest cheerleader. I want to be their biggest cheerleader with no conditions, no rules of engagement, not having to cater to another person’s feelings and wants in regards to what I do with you. Dare I be bold and say in this world of technology & lack of conversation without a phone – I want your undivided attention for a while. I want to be first & not your fall back option.
(3) My memory is an amazing thing – I pretty much forget nothing. So, if you are with me in any capacity please understand the moment you start engaging in double standard behaviors – we are done. Don’t waste my time. Don’t put me in that position. If you want me but say I can’t do this or that – but then all of sudden I see you with someone else engaging in the behaviors you said you couldn’t do with me. I am going to be pissed off to maximum capacity. If you didn’t want to engage in those behaviors with me, then be honest about that. Be a real person and own up to it. However, don’t think for one second I should be okay with it. Stop wasting my fucking time. If you can’t see the issue with your behavior then you are the problem. Don’t hold me hostage to an impossible standard of no affection, none of this or that but you give it freely to another. Once again, you have wasted my time & the chance for me to give my full attention to someone who deserves it & preventing someone from taking a chance on me.
(4) If you are in a new relationship, please stop trying to test the waters & see if there is the potential for something still left with us. Obviously, I was yours in some capacity & we decided to end our relationship for a reason. If you didn’t care to go the extra mile & keep me, don’t continually try to see if a reunion is possible. Nothing is more uncomfortable than being polite, engaging in conversation about life in general while your new partner is shooting daggers from their eyes because they feel/think/know you still care for me. Please don’t put me in that position.
People say you shouldn’t become jaded towards relationships. You should always give connection and love a try. However, how many times should I be slapped in the face in order to find a happy ending. At what point do you stop trying ? When does it become enough & you stop accepting sub-par behavior because you know beyond a shadow of a doubt the shit being offered to you isn’t enough.