“Great couples still get angry with each other, but they continue to discuss a problem until there is a solution, even if it takes several days.”
My last journal entry left off with me and the Mister in the midst on an argument where he decided I needed three days to think about everything. I had to work that night, got home, and was still mad. I couldn’t believe all that had transpired. I showered and went to bed. I woke up to two text messages. He wanted to know was I very, very mad or had I been thinking. The second was the same question along with “I am expecting an answer from you.” My answer was short and sweet: both. I got dressed for work & got in the car. He called as I was getting in my car (don’t worry I have a hands free system). We discussed a lot. I told him I felt abandoned & punished for stating how I felt about exploring with another woman. He said, you didn’t hear me. I wanted you to really think about everything – our relationship, is this what you need, is this what you want, etc. And he was right, I got so angry I didn’t hear him. I heard one thing and that is all I honed in on. We chatted until I arrived at work. He reaffirmed he loved me and we would discuss this one our scheduled date night. We would find a solution one way or another.
We met the next night to truly discuss this matter. We are both headstrong, determined, & opinionated people. What I am learning is important matters need to be discussed face to face – we stop and hear the other person, ask clarifying questions, and reaffirm if what we heard was truth or a falsehood in our own head. We also both play to win. I tried one thing and he turned it on me. He tried something and I turned it on him. But, he knows how to get me out of my head and go with what I feel – touching me. Not just in anyway, getting up in my personal space, lowering his tone of voice, & making me look him in those beautiful blue eyes while touching/rubbing my thighs. He asked me a few questions & I answered from my gut. He knew I was scared. He knew I didn’t want to rush. He knew in order for any progress to be made we needed to agree on something good for him and me. He asked if shelving this idea for 45 days and discussing it again would be reasonable. Yes, yes it would. He also got me cause he said he knows my weakness is him, which means I would try almost anything to make him happy. *smirking* Jerk, cause it is true. He kissed my lips and just said, “I know.”
“Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There’s a difference between privacy & secrecy.”
I made a fundamental error in my relationship & for that I accept responsibility. I am sometimes too damn transparent with everyone who is important in my life good, bad, & ugly. Because of my lapse in judgement – my boyfriend & friends don’t really see eye to eye with each other just yet which is my fault. No one is perfect. My boyfriend has flaws – he is an asshole to the general public (not my opinion he openly & freely states this), he is brutally honest, & he loves to get a rise out of me cause apparently I am cute when annoyed. However, at the end of the day I know he truly does adore and care for me. He is protective. He pushes my buttons, but also can calm me down in 5 minutes.
My friends are great in my opinion, want to ensure he is a dominant not domineering, we aren’t moving too fast, & they are protective as well. They are also opinionated, headstrong, & willing to argue you down if necessary. Always ladies, but don’t take no shit off of anyone. (Yes, they are my girls for this reason & beyond).
He wanted me to have a great time at dinner with my girls but he also was picking at me earlier stating, I know they are going to say you should probably leave me because I am not the type of guy you are probably use to dating. I think he genuinely worries about that. They admit that our dating is not my norm, but love that he makes me happy. They admit his past scared them, but hell it scared me too. However, I suspect all parties feel some type of way about the other & I take blame for that.
I speak the truth how I see it & hear it. I don’t hide behind smoke and mirrors because I am a horrible liar & if you know me well, you can read my emotions all over my face & in my tone of voice. He & I discuss everything – we talk about deep conversations that couples probably shouldn’t have this early but it fits us. We have talked about us having kids (no, definitely not now but later on in the future if our relationship goes the distance & we want them), we talk about our goals, ambitions, and dreams. We talk about a life together because it is going to be complicated & we need to continue to keep those lines of communication open in our opinions. We talk about changing each other because I have changed him in some ways & he has changed me in some ways. We are continuing to learn the art of compromise. He understands that pushing me too hard and too fast could cause me to leave him & that isn’t his intention. We both want happiness together and with each other.
So, I need to learn to be more subdued. I need to learn to hold in some things. I need to learn to navigate the rocky seas alone at times. It is my desire for my girls to meet this guy who at times is my antagonist, but also loves me to pieces. I haven’t had that in a long while – a man who openly loves me to pieces, isn’t ashamed to tell the world I am his girl, & continues to show up when I need him the most. Nope, he isn’t everything I was looking for nor am I everything he was looking for however we have a chemistry and connection. We care for each other.
I love my girls. They hold me strong when I have crumbled to pieces and vice versa. They understand me in ways others are not capable. They are not only my friends, they are my sisters. They have been in my life longer than he has and will be there if this relationship falls to pieces. What I will not tolerate is either party feeling disrespected nor will I tolerate either party being judgmental of the other.
So, I am going to work on sharing the positives and not so much the negatives. I am going to focus on discussing things in general and only the occasional cool things in detail. Because I need to fix this if I ever expect the three people I love to come together cordially. Ugh, I should also be the lady who need to keep her damn mouth shut more often. Relationships are like riding a bike after taking a long hiatus, eventually after a few stumbles you find your stride, right??!!!