I don’t know. He polyamorous & married. I want someone monogamous & single. He isn’t my normal type. He is so brash & outspoken. He is definitely a redneck country boy. Lord have mercy his past is so wild. We can’t last. We are so different. Just say no. Fuck why is it so hard to say no? Why can’t my gut and head agree. Grrrr……
Welcome to the inner workings of my brain. When my boyfriend and Dominant asked me to enter into a relationship with him I was uncertain of being with him. The thoughts above are things I wrestled within my head for weeks. Yet, when I was around him. He made me feel at ease. It was like we had known each other before. We talked for hours. However, he didn’t meet the checklist I had. I was upfront & honest with him about that cause I am sometimes brutal that way. However, he was consistent, persistent, & charming. He immediately knew I was the girl he had been looking for. He was clear about his wants & desires upfront. However, he never pushed me to make a decision. He gave me time to come to my own conclusion of if this was something I was willing to pursue. My intentions were to say no, however my gut kept screaming at me to give him a chance. The feeling was so overwhelming I finally decided to give in & see where this relationship might lead. Four months & counting, we are still together.
After being single for a little while, it took me some time to adjust to having a boyfriend & Dominant. Some days I wanna debate a rule because I want my way. Luckily, I have a guy who encourages my spunky side. Sometimes forget my rules or to ask permission for I decide to do certain things. I still fight my enforced bed time & workout rules for when I have to work (I’m not allowed). Through all of these things, we manage these hiccups as they occur. Because of our open communication, we are strongly connected physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. However, there are moments I have to pause & go damn. We are really in a real life relationship. Yeah, sometimes I am slow on the uptake.
So, the past few week he has been having issues with an employee of his at work. He was telling me about it because it was stressing him all the way out. He said, he handled the problem but corporate was going to have to call him later in the morning to discuss the issue. He was nervous about that. Then I was informed it was my bedtime because I had to work that night. I didn’t think anything else of it. I figured I would call him in the morning & discuss what happened.
Waking up about 15 minutes before my alarm, I am lying in bed when I see my phone ringing. It’s my other half. “Hey beautiful. What you doing?” He said I knew you should be getting up & I wanted to tell you what happened. He informed me about the outcome & it was a positive one in his favor. And we were just talking & laughing before I had to actually get ready for work. Then BAM it hit while we were laughing & discussing what was happening. We are a regular, everyday couple. I matter to him. He desires to share his life with me good, bad, or indifferent. When things happen, I am one of the top people he wants to call & tell what happened. He really does love me. And yes, I really love him as well.
It was this moment that other things came rushing to the forefront of my mind while he was talking. How he always reminds me I am beautiful. How he calls me on my bullshit when I need it. How he cares for me & looks out for me. How he makes time for me even when his schedule is busy. How much he misses me when we are apart. And how he loves to annoy me & pick at me because that is one of the ways he shows his affection.
So, what have I learned? Sometimes the person who will love you the most doesn’t exactly fit all the boxes you desire. It is important to listen to your gut. It is important to find a person who values you in ways you never imagined. Love apparently finds you when you aren’t looking.