Compromise: an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by both sides making concessions
Theoretically, in a fairly healthy relationship you only get 80% of what you want – this is referred to as the 80/20 rule. Meaning, you are going to have to compromise on some things. I am actually a huge fan of compromising because both people get some thing they desire. In an ideal world, most people would love to always get their way. In reality, no one gets what they want 100% of the time, & if they do then the other party is either never going to be happy or their feelings on a situation are never taken under consideration.
My partner’s favorite quote is: “the word compromise isn’t in my vocabulary. It’s either my way or the highway.” He desires to open me up to new experiences & I am cool with this, except for one thing. I don’t desire to perform oral sex on a woman nor do I want them to do it to me because I believe in returning favors & once again, I don’t wanna do that.
I don’t mind playing with a woman, kissing a woman, playing with a woman from the waist up, hell, I will even entertain the thought of a woman using a strap on – on me. But, I don’t want that choice forced upon me. I want to engage in that behavior of my own free will, not because it is someone’s expectation of me. So, we have discussed this & he agreed we would not revisit this topic again until next year because I don’t wanna do it. He was a little upset that he gave into what I wanted. He said, “I must really love your ass because I never compromise.”
Fast forward almost 24 hrs later, somehow we got back on this topic & it was a huge debate. We exchanged words. “You knew what I wanted when we first got together. I told you this is what I liked.” And in all fairness, he did. However, I had been up front since the first time we spoke that I didn’t want to do that. I was honest about what I was looking for in a potential mate. Hell, I even showed him my writing on it. After a little while he decided that I needed to take some time to really think about if being in a relationship with him is what I wanted.
I was pissed the fuck off. I have compromised for you. I send the occasional naked photo and even let you video tape us having sex for the first time (don’t judge me people, I am the lady of pure filth for a reason), yet you can’t concede this one thing for me. We weren’t even suppose to discuss this matter again until next year.
*takes a breath* I know he said this was to give me a chance to think without him around, but it feels like I am being punished for not only sticking to my guns for what I didn’t want, but for getting him to actually compromise for me. It also makes me feel you don’t love me as much as you say – you don’t leave a person alone for days. You work through an issue with a person, you have to compromise for a relationship to work. Maybe, I am asking too much of a person with a Dominant personality. But, in my mind, this sets a bad precedent – if I don’t do what you want then you are going to leave me alone for a few days in hopes that my desire to be with you is stronger than sticking to what makes me comfortable for now. You don’t get your way and then I am out.
*sigh* I got some soul searching to do. I need to weigh the options. I need to listen to my heart. I need to trust my feelings. Yes, our connection is strong, but if you loved me like you say you do then you would be willing to meet me part of the way. Maybe I am not enough. Maybe I am too much. All I know is by Thursday afternoon I better have an answer because I feel like no matter what I decide, I won’t be able to back out it.