I haven’t allowed myself the opportunity to write in the past few weeks. However, life has just seemed busy lately. People I know and love getting sick. Work increasing chaotic. It seems like the days are escaping me faster and faster. Something about this time of year seems to kick everything into high gear. It is a time of change in a multitude of ways.
It feels like I am on an endless cycle of trying to catch up with friends & not being able to do it. I am itching for a change of some kind but I am not sure what that would be. I want to get away from bedside nursing, but I am not really sure which avenue to approach to make that happen. I want to focus more on my fitness & health. I want to build a family & not focus so much on my career. I want to enjoy days traveling. I want less stress. I want people I care for to stop being sick.
*sigh* I have four days off to somewhat relax but that isn’t going to happen cause I have to go into work on one of my off days so I can do some paperwork and mandatory education. I have other errands and task that need to be completed but we will see if that gets done.
The other day was a stressful at work. I left work almost an hour late. I felt like I could have been there longer to be with my patient who was truly sick. I called and update the family that their love one was in critical condition & they needed to come to the hospital. I felt crappy. I left work. Almost got into a car accident on the interstate which would have been my fault cause I was tired and didn’t see the person speeding up my blind spot at 100 mph. My love called throughout the morning to make sure I was okay. I could hear the concern in his voice and relief when I finally was home in bed. He tucked me in, said he loved me, don’t even think about going to the gym I need to rest, and then told me to go the fuck to sleep. I attempted to argue which got me nowhere. In typical fashion, he was right – I slept for almost 9 hrs. I needed to rest. I also still need a change, but that will come soon enough I suppose.
My Sir has reminds me time and time again that I am capable of achieving anything. He tells me it won’t be like this always. And I laugh at this because he is stronger than I am mentally. He has worked almost everyday in a row for three months straight. He is tired, but somehow makes it & continues to push through. He has more stress on his shoulders than the average person. He still makes things happen. And I remind him that, it won’t always be this way for him. We are going to make it better some how!!